“Changes are part of normal life but are also a part of our spirituality. I dislike changes very much and prefer that everything goes on without change. I dislike it when people leave the community. I dislike it when we have to discuss how to change various parts of our life. I dislike it when I have to make personal changes. And so on and on and on. Yet I recognize that my likes or dislikes never stop the need for change and adaptation. Over the years I have come to see the positive side of changes and the challenges that changes put in front of all of us as humans.Appreciating the value of change does not mean that I like change! Part of my personal spirituality has come to be accepting things that I don’t like, appreciating things that I don’t like, and being still and silent and not reacting about things that I don’t like. This has served me well over the years.
I was sharing with one of the brothers the other day that when I was a young superior … who was almost 30 years older than I, kept telling me this: don’t write or speak when you are angry! Over the years I finally learned that he was correct. Not writing or speaking when I am angry could become a way to avoid an issue, but that is not what it is supposed to be. Rather, it is a way of remaining in peace so that I can truly see before I act. Anger is only one of the ways in which we can be blinded. All of our natural desires can pull us away from this inner place where we see things as they truly are. As I continue to grow older, I find some solace in still learning how to be peaceful and to see what is happening, rather than just reacting to what is happening.
Sometimes I laugh to myself when I look back at how impulsive I was as a young monk and then a young superior. My temper can still flare, but much less than when I was young. The last three meetings that I have been at have been so peaceful for me because of learning to be still. One of the Italian abbots asked me: what is wrong with you, Philip? You haven’t commented on anything.
I replied to him that finally I had learned to be still and just to listen. Most of the time any views that I have are expressed by others and I don’t need to say them. I still speak up if something is clearly unacceptable to me, but most of the time, if I just wait, everything turns out well enough. The few decisions that I would disagree with are usually not important at all.
Someone told me that I was avoiding responsibility by not speaking out. From my point of view, this is simply not true. If there is something that I totally disagree with and which is set to become the norm, then I do speak out. Others listen to me more, the less I speak. I see much of this way of thinking expressed in the wisdom literature of Scripture.”–Abbot Philip, Christ in the Desert Monastery
Read Abbot Philip’s complete reflection.